Darkness Falls….
Even though the resolution in my school matter was such that my life is not completely ruined, I am experiencing so much self-loathing for my lack of wisdom. Even worse is the fact that I broke a huge facet of my own moral code. I don’t know why I thought it was the right thing to help out this girl…I guess I got pulled into the horrors of her life (her mother is dying, she is in a relationship whereby she is experiencing abuse, she wants to be a student but is having tremendous financial problems and needs to work three jobs just to get by). I felt that all she needed was a helping hand, but my life was such that I couldn’t help her in the right way (i.e. help her figure out her topic, teach her how to research, show her how to cite sources, help her build and develop an outline)..instead, I gave her my paper to use as a resource and she plagerized it.
The result for her was bad…she was expelled. I was merely given a warning. But, once I realized how much my naivety could have cost me…I feel hate for being the kind of person that is easily lead astray…I have much darkness inside for not knowing that what I was doing was a wrong course of action.
Because I feel so much disgust over my participation in this type of cheating, I guess I feel that I should not be forgiven, so when I received this letter from my Professor, I was overwhelmed with tears…tears for my remorse and tears for my gratitude. I am grateful that I still have a chance at a future I’ve been working on for some time; and to know tha someone understands the depths of despair I am feeling — well, that is remarkable.
This is an excerpt from my letter: “Missteps don’t mean the end. They just mean you have to make amends and try again. We all go through dark times, and I know you are experiencing some dark things. I just want you to know that you will come out on the other side stronger and with greater resolve. “
I have a long way to go, a lot of work to do to get myself back…to become the person I admire and most want to be. I hope I am able to continually do the right things to be a person of integrity again.
