My Newest Curiosity…

I turn 40 in 21 days, and I don’t really think I am a vain person but I am a little worried. My concern is that because we live in a culture that embraces the visual, and that first impressions do seem to matter…that I won’t be competitive in the world of work or socially.

I am pear shaped with thunder thighs, yet  I have a body confidence that I am happy about….essentially, I “feel good naked.”  However, with the advent of  my official “middle age” status I am seeing the wrinkles on the forehead because I use my entire face as a gesturing tool…as well as, fine crinkles around the eyes…so far clever makeup and hairstyles have hidden the wrinkles…but I am feeling insecure — especially at work where all of my brilliant co-workers (male and female) look like Super models.

I always thought that they looked so superb because they won the genetic lottery, or because they took very good care of themselves…well,  I discovered that most have had botox injections here, a little sclerotherapy there, an augmentation or two and done a few “non-natural” things to enhance their genetic makeup and healthful lifestyle choices. SO now that I know the secret used by the people I work with, I feel compelled to go and get botox shots in my forehead (a local Doc charges $95 a treatment and if I picked up one extra shift a month I could logistically afford it)…but realistically,  with all of the educational goals I have I just can’t spend that kind of money to make my face look better …

Then I got to thinking, once I start to correct all of my genetic flaws via cosmetic surgery or procedures when and where does it stop? Isn’t it better for me to develop an internal beauty that is accepting and loving and nurturing of myself? What do other poor women do? Does one need to accept physical ugliness? And, even if I had the money would I? Maybe a little, but I think I’d rather use extra money to take fencing lessons, learn how to fly a helicopter, travel, learn how to sail, travel some more…I’d use the money to enrich my mind and my adventurer’s spirit.

So, knowing that I probably wouldn’t fix stuff even if I had the money readily available made me wonder how I am going to cope with my personal aging issues? I want to look as good as I can, genetics will probably work against me, how do I stay attractive enough to succeed with the goals that I have?  Aging is a natural and inevitable process. Some do it with more grace, class, and style than others…so what distinguishes that? How do I remain comfortable in my own skin despite the physiological changes?

I am really curious…I want to have answers, but I suspect the answers are variable and I will need to figure out for myself the course of action that makes me feel happy and content…