Anxiety…

I am having anxiety about work issues, or better yet, the politics of work. In my rural hospital cliques are the norm and some people are given favoritism. Recently, a Nurse who is rude and condescending (and therefore makes me nervous and I don’t do a very good job as a CNA/Tele Tech when in her prescence due to my own esteem issues) indicated to me that her favorite aide had Seniority over me merely because she was a better tech. This Nurse has been assigned to do all of the Scheduling in the ICU. I’ve been with the Hospital a year and a half longer than Better Tech…and at every other firm I’ve worked with Seniority is  based upon one’s hire date. Well at Rural Hospital my manager indicated there was no policy about Seniority, which means that Schedule Nurse is going to bamboozle me out of shifts so she can work with her fave. I am miffed about this…but there are a ton of other things going on too…things that make me wonder if I should stay at this Hospital or move on…

I tend to have a very strong work ethic and work so hard, giving 120% when I am working that the 3 days off I have a week end up being “recovery” days, so to get manipulated out of shifts I want really pisses me off. Additionally,  a Tech who is very lazy dropped her pay check. I say her pay rate by accident and now know that she is making $4 an hour more than I am. I am anxious and frustrated because I work hard, am feeling pushed into a corner over my schedule, and feel that despite my hard work and efforts am considered “not good enough.”

On one hand, I know that my basic skills are exceptional and that I DO take great care of my patients; on the other hand, I am a little slower because I am so thorough so think that perhaps in a crital care setting I am not a good option becasue I don’t rush through the cares of my patient…conversely,  I observe how fast the other Techs perform a Complete Bed Bath on an ICU patient (getting it done in 5 minutes where it can take me anywhere from 15 minutes to 40 minutes) and notice that the patient gets incredibly anxious, so do I change the way I do things and speed up my basic cares or do I continue to be more thorough and calming?

Up until this post I’ve felt that there is a time and a place for speed in the critical care setting (i.e. when a patient is crashing and one needs to focus on the ABC’s) and a time and place for more methodological, soothing care…but now I am not sure.

The final challenge I feel I face is that I am not building skills. Most of my Nurses’ won’t allow me to do things that I am certified to do (i.e. Insert IV’s or catheter’s, or perform inline suctioning) so I don’t feel I am growing. I’ve been an Aide for 15 years, but the last 7 worked primarily as a Med Tech. I lost some of my Hospital skills and that is why I decided to return to the Hospital setting…instead of building upon my basic knowledge I am left with performing the basics; and, I am getting bored.

With the many “mini-trials” I am facing, I am conflicted, which produces more anxiety.

My plan of action, to just ignore other opinions, only be accountable for myself, only worry about things pertaining to me;  and w,ork with a strong work ethic is good but sometimes difficult because I am goal oriented and too much of a perfectionist/people pleaser.

One good friend counseled me to “not sweat any of the work issues until work is my dream job.” Good advice, but not easy for me to follow.

In some way, I know this anxiety has to have a positive outcome…