Top Ten Reasons Why I Shoulda Been a Stripper…

10. I’d meet interesting characters who need a fix.

9.  I enjoy wearing bouduair attire in public.

8. I cherish  the opportunity to help my fellow man.

7.  I like being slippery when wet.

6. Active transport pumps.

5. Dealing with poles, a daily occurrence.

4. I’m good at being demure with the client.

3. I think being ridden hard and fast keeps me on top.

2. Wearing rubber doesn’t bother me.

1. Getting screwed for money is my natural karma.

Oh wait!!! This IS me…another night at my Hospital and the sattire is rolling!

I Wish I Were a Little Bozy…

Posted by keepbreathing

“ER Nurse: ’scuse me.

Me: I say. That was my ass you grabbed.

ERN: Oh…like this?

(insert sound of ass being vigorously and repeatedly grabbed)

Me: Um…yes. Like that.

ERN: Sorry. Close quarters in here.

…I don’t think she was very sorry at all, but I’d be lying if I said I was offended.”

I loved this post by Keepbreathing, and for some reason it was on my mind today. I don’t think I’d mind if my ass were grabbed; and, I can think of a few asses I wouldn’t mind grabbing either — if it wouldn’t be out of character for me (I got the nick-name  “Snow White” at work). I wonder how others got the idea that I was so nice and pure? But, ultimately,  it is good to know that I’d probably shock a few if they knew 1) some of the lewd and/or snarky comments that go on inside my head; 2) how sexual and/or sensual I am on a daily basis; 3) I am not as naive, sweet, or innocent as they think….

Politeness goes a long way in hiding the baser sides of one’s character. However, at times I’d really like to not be P.C. I’d like to utilize my natural skills and instincts; and: 1) say exactly what I am thinking the moment it crosses my mind EVEN if it is rude and not a very nice thing to say; 2) use my favorite expletive (“Mother fucker”) when a patient is out of control; 3) not get shy in front of my favorite people when a sexual innuendo/joke/snarky comment is on the brain; 4) pat a few asses (everyone that I work with could be on a Soap Opera — both the guys and gals are just plain beautiful; enough so that I wouldn’t mind getting up close and personal with some of  hotties that I work with). I can fantasize can’t I?

REALITY SOMETIMES BITES because I probably would never do anything on the fantasy agenda because I can’t stand the thought of hurting somebody’s feelings or making someone uncomfortable….I am just NOT bozy enough to cross boundaries; but,  it is nice to think and have a really good imagination. It helps stave off many of my life frustrations; and having those gifts is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!!

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Talking to Myself…

I am in the process of developing a 5 year plan, so it is important for me to start listing goals that are important for me to accomplish so that I may break them down in a step-wise manner. Ultimately, the goals depend on my financial situation, which is in the toilet right now (and has been in the toilet for the last 7 years). Ultimately, I want to become a Perfusionist. I think that there are some educational processes that I must take along the way to 1) obtain more clinical experience; and 2) generate the income needed to save for the $20,000.00 program I am interested in. If the latter never happens I can still hit the Perf. goal merely by working 6 or 7 days a week…

Goals to complete within the next two weeks:

• Finish all components of my Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocacy training so I may volunteer.
• Seek a financial planner to eke out a plan to save for continued educational pursuits…

Goals to accomplish within the next 6  months:

• Enroll in and complete another EKG Tech course.
• Procure employment as as Dialysis Tech, to start in January 2009.
• Become a Nationally Certified D.T. by June 2009.
• Become a Nationally Registered EKG Tech by June 2009.

Goals to accomplish within the next year:

• Re-take Anatomy and get a better than a B- grade.
• Apply for either an R.T. or R.N. program.
• Take an ACLS course
• Take a PALS course
• Take an NRP course
• Take a NAP course

For Diversity:

• Collage art

The plan may change; and, my ideal plan was to go to Nursing school–> Law School obtaining my MLIS and MAOM concurrently –> Perfusionist school; but due to my money issues I think I may only have the opportunity for one more Bachelor’s and Perf. school. Sigh..education for me has been a wonderful hobby and I have grown so much as a person so it saddens me that I am almost at the end of my educational road. I should be excited that I can embark on much self-paced learning and that now I can really focus my efforts on building a career…but I really LOVE the formal learning process; and am a little lazy when it comes to self-paced learning.

Things happen for a reason…so, with the financial snafu I am experiencing I am kind of expecting to get bombarded with an additional crisis…there MUST be a reason I won’t be enlightened via the doors of collegiate education…hmmm…it will be interesting to see what direction my life goes…